This time, I want the last word.
For a long time after you left, I hated you. My body raged at the thought, the mere memory of you. It did not matter that we had some good times together. All that mattered for awhile was how you left, and how you let me go.
Not only was it your leaving that hurt, but how I felt inadequate and unworthy because of your rejection. You told me that you could never love me because you were still in love with someone else. That was a hard pill to swallow. That burned me and my fragile ego.
That was over a year ago now. And I’ve moved on. I’ve met people who made me stop craving you. I’ve fallen in love again. I’ve met the love of my life, in fact. And yet, I still remember the pain of last year. I have had to be my own closure because the way you left was not exactly civil. This time, I want the last word.
Over the past year, I have had to come to terms with the truth: that you not loving me had nothing to do with me. It did not make me any less worthy of love, it did not mean I was not enough. It just meant that you were not the right one for me. If you never read anything else by me ever again, know this: you did not love me, and that is okay.
I forgive you despite all the hurt I went through. Because of you, I met the man of my dreams. Everything that happened to me led me to where I am now. And I cannot be mad at you for any of that.
And who knows. Maybe you’ve already forgotten about me. Maybe I was truly just a summer fling — nothing more than a blip on your radar. Maybe I never cross your mind anymore. Maybe I’m making things up because I’m a dreamer and a romantic and a part of me never wants to be forgotten.
I believe everything happens for a reason, and that you came into my life (and left) exactly how and when you were supposed to. So, this is my goodbye forever letter to you.
To those of us who struggle with what could have been, just know that if it is meant to be, it would be. If they are truly your person, they would not leave. Instead of romanticizing the ones who leave, maybe we should learn to move on with grace and walk away willingly. I want to be with someone who chooses me every. single. day. Not someone who only loves me when they are lonely.
Originally published on Thought Catalog.